It got much more complicated whenever he would let me know he adored me personally then push me personally away.

I’ll remember the connection that We started at age 19 on New Year’s Eve. We had been therefore excited that first Valentine’s Day when he delivered me their finalized Jack Johnson poster and now we invested hours chatting on AIM together with phone.

But things got complicated whenever I discovered he had been seeing other girls. It got much more complicated whenever he’d let me know he adored me personally then push me personally away. Our relationship had been long-distance, me love letters when we were apart, but when we’d see each other, he would be emotionally distant so he would write. After every time he pulled away, we knew he’d call me personally and n’t say he could live without me personally. The majority of my buddies couldn’t still believe I responded my phone as he called, but i might protect him by telling them that deep down he designed well.

This might appear to be your typical dramatic university love, but for me personally the aspire to cling to males whom push me away went much deeper than freshman year.

We dated my flame that is 19-year-old for years, constantly searching for their affirmation, even while once you understand he’d yo-yo me personally around. The stark reality is, even with that relationship finished, I experienced a time that is hard in a reliable, committed relationship. I usually felt more at ease within an on-again, off-again relationship. We felt much more comfortable once I had been attempting to persuade anyone to really like me and didn’t such as the emotions i obtained when We became their gf.

I’m sure it seems like I became a game player, but my problem actually was another thing: I’d an extortionate concern with abandonment. The minute someone focused on me personally, we became exceptionally frightened of losing him.

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